Sometimes, it's not that we weren't listening, it was that our elders didn't tell us. It's never too late to start talking...we while we are living at least. When you're dead it is much too late.
After my uncle died, his widow found out that he had been in the army. He died from lung cancer after years of smoking. He could have easily died in Europe during World War II.
My uncle was a man of few words. He was extremely modest. During his prime, he got up early every day to work on a his farm. He and my aunt, my mother's older sister, never had children. They were kind people and very patient.
I never remember seeing them argue. The only thing I really remember him saying was that he didn't want to return to Europe. He had seen enough.
It was after he died that his widow discovered he had a Purple Heart. A Purple Heart. That came as a complete surprise to her. My aunt wondered about what he had done to deserve such a high honor. We've actually sent an inquiry about it, but months later, have yet to hear back.
Maybe you and yours haven't done anything as life-and-death critical as he did, but when you've done something, it's really is worth talking about. Talking and not boasting surely won't offend any Asian cultural constraints. Tell your friends. Tell your children. Tell your stories.
My uncle, Hideo "Tom" Maruyama, was a hero at a time when so many exploits by people of color went unrecognized, when so many people died and could not tell their stories. I wish he had told me those stories just as his widow now wishes to know what little information remains in the military archives.
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